By: Kelly Sutton of Horse & Feather
“Let go of who you think you are supposed to be, and embrace who you are.” // Brene Brown
By day eighteen of my daily documentary project, I had already hit a wall. The feelings of “uninspiration” tangling around my ankles, like sea weed, as the waves run up against my feet. My inner dialogue rising like the tide. “I did this for a year already, why does it now feel so difficult? It all just feels so hard. Why can’t I see what I want to see?” The frustration was suffocating, and weighing me down. I just felt BLAH.
By day nineteen, a sea change, by way of soft, muted, rainy day light. It was different than the usual bright, sunny, flood of warmth we are accustomed to here in Southern California. I do love our light, but change is good.
This was the morning I needed that change of light. In different light, we see things in a different way. I rose from bed with a renewed determination to harness the frustration, and push through all the self doubts.
By the mid point of the morning of day nineteen, I sat on the floor, in my sweet baby’s room. I just sat. And as I sat, leaning with my back up against the wall, I felt the tangles begin to unwrap from around my feet. The frustrations and expectations rolled off of me. I watched my boys as they played. I didn’t have to say a word. I didn’t have to make anything happen. Fifteen minutes of quiet and loud, silly and focused unfolded before me. My heart felt lighter.
By the end of day nineteen, I realized I need, what I REALLY NEED, is to get out of my own way. To me, I find self imposed expectations to be anxiety provoking. Stifling. A cap over a candle flame. The opposite of the liberated, running-along-the-wave-line-creativity I crave. When I can give myself the space I need to be centered, to breathe, to be patient, to be present, to turn off the talking in my head—the right images in that moment will find me; I just need to remain open to it all, especially the struggle.
Horse & Feather Photography
Kelly, of Horse & Feather Photography, is a Southern California native, raising her two sweet boys, with her best friend and husband, in the same neighborhood where she also grew up, just north of Los Angeles. She has fallen in love with natural light photography, and strives to document the timelessness of childhood, as well as the silliness, adventures, and non-stop energy that being a mom to two boys brings. If she’s not taking pictures of her family, she’s probably drinking coffee or eating ice cream, and listening to NPR. Facebook | Website | Instagram